Be where you are embraced, not celebrated: exploring use of language when developing an equality ethos

Can we talk about the word celebrate?

I am a big supporter of Diverse Educators, but the use of the word celebrate in the tag line I think is not needed, in fact I believe it could be detrimental to our aims. “Be where you are celebrated…” Really? Do I need to be celebrated? For what? Being male, being gay, wearing glasses? Really?

Diverse Educators are not alone using this word; I used it in the past. My first resource on teaching LGBT equality in 2006, “Challenging homophobia in Primary Schools” (published by Coventry City Council in 2007 and by Birmingham City Council in 2010) states in the introduction, “Every child benefits from an ethos of mutual respect and a celebration of who they are.” (p2) and later, “Children need to understand that the world is full of different people who like different things and we should celebrate that fact with them.”(p5)

In my first properly published book, “No Outsiders: Teaching the Equality Act in primary schools” (2015) I state, “We have to be delivering a curriculum where diversity and difference are celebrated.”

But by 2020 I had changed my mind. I was trying to step away from the use of the word celebrate trying to find alternative words. Why? Because I was facing significant challenges to my equality work from a religious perspective, and I had to find a way to bring people on board. 

Let me explain…

2019 was a very difficult year. RSE ruined my life! Everything was going fine until new RSE guidance from the DfE suddenly put LGBT+ education into the spotlight. Despite my school successfully running No Outsiders for four years previously to 2019, suddenly there were huge protests outside my school against it. “Stop sexualising children!” “My child, my choice!” “Stop indoctrination now!” “Stop No Outsiders,” read the placards. The protests lasted for 6 months and then fizzled out. Today, that school runs No Outsiders successfully and it’s like the protests never happened. A 2022 Ofsted report for the school opens with the line, “Children say there are no outsiders here and that everyone is welcome.” 

During the protests, I received a letter from Mike Smith, a vicar from Cheshire who was also a chair of governors at a primary school. Mike was writing to express support but in the letter, he also mentioned the language I was using. Mike pointed out that I was asking schools to celebrate diversity and that meant in turn, asking schools to celebrate LGBT equality. As a Christian, Mike argued, he could not ‘celebrate’ LGBT people as he believes marriage is fundamentally between a man and woman. However, he could tolerate LGBT people; he wanted to be an ally. Mike asked me to consider using the word tolerate more, rather than celebrate.

Hmmm….

My initial reaction was absolutely not! I have never liked the word tolerate. Tolerate is word used when you are putting up with something; a buzzing noise, rain. I am not going to teach children to tolerate each other. It feels so wrong.

But I was in the middle of this mess at the time. People shouting at me from all sides. And maybe stopping and listening is the best policy. So, I got in contact with Mike and we talked. Mike was brilliant. He really shifted my thinking on this as we came together from two very different places and tried to find a way through.

Mike asked me, “Do you need to celebrate to feel accepted?” It’s a good question. I’ve worked in schools for nearly 30 years, and we’ve always blithely said, “We celebrate diversity,” whatever school I’ve been in. But let’s just step back for a moment and ask what that looks like. How do you stop that being tokenistic? ‘Ooh it’s pride month – get the rainbow flags out!’ 

The other problem here is that we don’t live in that rose tinted world. Homophobia exists, racism exists, misogyny exists. There are some people in our communities who simply do not wish to celebrate Pride month or celebrate gay people existing, and they should not be forced to. As an adult, you are not forced to join a pride parade; you cannot stop it happening and there are laws that protect the existence of LGBT people, but you do not have to celebrate that. You just need to accept it happens. 

Should schools be celebrating LGBT+ people? If we are truly preparing children for life in modern Britain, shouldn’t we instead be teaching children that Pride exists, asking why it exists and recognising that some people join pride parades as a means of protest, some as a means of celebration, and some people don’t agree with it. Children should form their own opinions. As long as a child is not othering someone, judging and saying they are wrong for being who they are, I think it’s ok for a child to choose not to celebrate pride. Pride exists and will be celebrated whether that child joins in or not. You could argue a debate about Pride where children are encouraged to disagree, only strengthens the arguments for Pride existing! 

There was a perception at the school where we had protests that we were forcing children of faith to celebrate LGBT equality. I don’t think we were doing that, but perception among parents is everything in schools, isn’t it. After conversations with Mike, together we came up with an alternative word to celebrate which was “accept”. At my school we spoke to parents about removing the word celebrate and we changed displays from “We celebrate diversity” to “We are diverse” or “We accept each other’s differences”. I really tried to show that I was listening and changing my language and the parents appreciated my efforts. I wrote a chapter in the second No Outsiders book “All different, all welcome” (2020) called “Tolerate, celebrate, accept” where I explained what I was trying to do. Lots of schools, particularly where there was a large faith cohort, told me they liked this strategy.

But I was never happy with the word “Accept”. I was constantly searching for an alternative word and then it came – “Embrace”. I think “We embrace diversity” is fantastic. You can embrace something without necessarily agreeing with it. You don’t have to celebrate it. 

So, since 2021, embrace is the word I have been using. In my own school hall we have a great display (see below) with the words “We are different – we belong here” which is perfect. I think celebrating can be triggering for some people, particularly when talking about LGBTQ+ and faith, so I have simply removed it.

I always discuss this in my training, and I always say, “Of course, I may be wrong about this!” I have been wrong in the past and maybe I’m wrong here, I think it’s certainly worth a discussion and I may change my mind in future. I also want to make clear that I absolutely celebrate Pride every year myself. I have been to three Prides this year and I love them. I love being gay and I’m very proud to be gay and to be out to people. But I don’t need you to celebrate me. I do want you to accept me without judgement, but I don’t need a clap! 

Find out more about No Outsiders: www.no-outsiders.com

Find our new No Outsiders scheme of work for 2024 “No Outsiders: We belong here” by Andrew Moffat (Speechmark, 2024)

Watch the film of Mike Smith talking about our conversations and language https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PeUmCprYfo&t=2s